A little humor – some things never change

Something I received in email prior to 2002. Thought it was funny that as time goes on, we just moved these problems from email to Facebook.

IF I HAD MY WAY…

learnbuttonIf I had my way, everyone would be made to memorize this before they would be permitted to own and operate a computer.

Now repeat after me:

1. I will not get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I don’t forward an e-mail message.

2. I will not hear any music, see a taco dog, or see an amazing pop up screen if I do forward an e-mail,

3. Bill Gates is not going to send me any money.

4. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t know anything about a gift certificate they’re supposed to send me.

5. Ford will not give me a 50% discount even if I have forwarded my e-mail to more than 50 people,

6. I will never receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from coca-cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people who don’t know who I am anyway.

7. My phone will not mysteriously ring after I forward an e-mail,

8. There is no such thing as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not stupid enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e- mail to 10 or more people.

9. There is no kid with cancer through the Make a Wish program in England collecting anything. He had cancer when he was seven years old. He is now cancer-free and 35 years old, and he doesn’t want any get well cards.

10. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 602P (or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to charge us 8 cents for every sent e-mail.

11. There will be no dancing, singing, waving, colorful flower, character, or program I will receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. People are just trying to talk me into doing it to make me look like a fool.

social_media12. The American Red Cross will not donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of-before disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American Red Cross receives donations, they don’t make them.

13. And finally, I will not let others guilt-trip me into sending things on to my friends for fear they will think I am not their friend, or by telling me I have no conscience or that I don’t believe in Jesus Christ.

14. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it along. Even if it does come by e-mail, I’m sure I will know it came from Him.

15, And if He does send me an e-mail, I’m sure He will care enough to delete all those annoying forward wedges (») and headers inside it.

16. Now, repeat all of this four times to yourself until you’ve memorized it and then send it along to at least five of your friends before the next full moon. Otherwise you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out.

November 2, 2013

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