Changed by Christ

Marriage Tips

These marriage tips come from my own experience, from conversations with others and from personal study in God’s Word and books on marriage. They are separated in sections. The lower numbers are for dating (under 100), starting marriage (100-199), building marriage (200-299), warnings and caution in marriage (400-499), rebuking troubles in marriage (500-599), rebuilding a troubled marriage (700).  I don’t know why I skipped 600, but I did accidentally.  Maybe that section is for something awesome!

Marriage tip #1, Go back to Genesis to read and understand God’s purpose for marriage. Begin to pray for your future spouse right now. Ask God to give you pure intentions and motivation for your future dating. Ask God to help you wait and stay Single, Saved and Satisfied trusting that God will provide you your spouse at His time and don’t rush.

Marriage tip #2, Before you get married, you must have a relationship with God. You have to be one with God and united with Him before you bring someone else into the relationship. Trying to force God in your relationship afterwards is very difficult.

Marriage tip #3, Wait for God’s timing on any intimacy. Any intimacy. Nothing confuses a relationship more than getting ahead of God’s will in intimacy.

Marriage tip #7, Entering your marriage considering your spouse replaceable will only cause you to drift apart. You must consider your spouse irreplaceable; walk it, talk it, live it and show it.

Marriage tip #24, Make sure you watch how the one you want to marry treats their parents; this is a projection of how they will treat you. This observation and discussion will help you grow together as a couple and enable you both to improve your relationship with each other and each other’s parents

Marriage tip #111, Trust your spouse with your fears, hurts and disappointments. It is in this vulnerability that you will build the intimacy necessary to carry you through the tough times.

Marriage tip #112, When you argue, always remember that your spouse is not your enemy. Even though it may appear that way. You both have to remember that you are “one flesh”! And flesh fighting against flesh is cancer.

Marriage tip #115, Own your stink. Be honest about your sin and struggles. Nothing kills a marriage faster than hidden sin. That is also what separates us from God.

Marriage tip #208, Husbands, your words of affirmation and acceptance need to outweigh the doubt and discouragement she hears from others.

Marriage tip #210, Share encouraging comments about your spouse to others. Make sure you share enough so word gets back to them how you praise their name in public. You are sowing seeds of love and trust that will reap a harvest benefit for you and your marriage.

Marriage tip #212, Wives, your husband really needs to hear that he is sufficient for you. That he is providing for the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of his wife and family.

Marriage tip #217. Husbands, if your wife sends you to a store to get something, that does not mean you make 4 or 5 stops along the way! Although it makes sense to us to get them out of the way, for her it means you took too long!

Marriage tip #225, When your wife tells you not to buy her something for her birthday or other celebration, buy her something extra special! She really wants something but wants it to be your decision from your heart to show her you know her well enough to know what will make her happy.

Marriage tip #239, Do not keep a record of wrongs as they will keep you stuck in past pain and it also makes your spouse continue to live in the past as well. You will not grow past that problem no matter how many years have passed, if you keeping bringing past issues back up. The model here is Christ Himself. Does He keep reminding you of your past? How would you feel if He did? How do you think your spouse feels when you keep reminding them on the past?

Marriage tip #272, In friendship as well as in marriage, you have to remember that you should give up your right to be right. If your disagreement breaks the unity between you, just give up your right to be right. We are to act like Christ and die to ourself and our pride.

Marriage tip #277, Wear your wedding ring! It is a tangible public display of an intangible eternal commitment.

Marriage tip #299, The conversation in bed should never be divided. What I mean by that is the “one flesh” mentality needs to be so intertwined that there is nothing you would not share with each other and no topic off limits.

Marriage tip #317, “I’ll take care of it,” is one of the worst things to say when both spouses are busy and juggling many things. The tip is, simplify your lives in all areas (financial, responsibility, social, etc), to work together on a family calendar, and create a task list to ensure all important things are accomplished. Work together and back each other up so nothing gets missed.

Marriage tip #417, Love as if your marriage depended on it; because it does. Challenges will come and you will need your spouse to support and encourage you (or you will need to be the encourager). Love has to be the foundation; learn to love, without reservation and relentless, never give up. Learn to love like God loves.

Marriage tip #438, When you argue with your spouse you must argue with unity as the focus. You have to make sure the argument remains as uncharged as possible, factual, and personal (“I feel” statements not “you are” statements). Never let the argument cross into blaming and attempting to prove the other wrong or attack the person and not the problem.

Marriage tip #422, Make sure you both have proper accountability with others to help provide a safe place to vent and to get godly advice. Be sure to always guard your heart. Always protect the focus of your marriage which is the unity of husband and wife and your spiritual, emotional, and physical stability.

Marriage tip #444, Never keep a friend in your life if your spouse has concerns about your relationship with them (regardless of gender). It’s not worth the hassle or trouble that can happen within your marriage or outside of your marriage.  Investing time and energy in your marriage is more important than trying to keep old relationships alive.

Marriage tip #523, We make time for what we decide is important. Spending time with your spouse is more important than anything you currently have on your busy calendar. Show your spouse how valuable they are and put them at the top of your agenda and leave them there.

Marriage tip #538, Never underestimate the power of a sincere apology. If you did something wrong, forgot to do something, or in any way wronged your spouse. Apologize with sincerity, honesty and transparency; remembering that you are “one flesh”.

Marriage tip #545, Arguments are not worth the energy wasted on them. It takes time to really get to the root of the issue or frustration and arguments will not help get you there. Find out some way to get out your frustration, but come together and allow God to show you the root cause so you don’t repeat it over again. You can disagree and discuss without causing an argument. The key is making sure you both feel like you are being heard and your individual views are important.

Marriage tip #582, Never compare your spouse to anyone else, especially regarding intimate things. What happens here is that you are sowing a seed of discontent in your own thought life, but that will show up in your actions towards your spouse even if you never say anything.

Marriage tip #700, Your marriage can be restored no matter the problem. God can heal all wounds whether they were caused on accident or on purpose. If the two return to their first love, Jesus, then they can be restored to their second love, each other. A partnership must be reformed and their marriage must take top priority forsaking all others.

Marriage tip #701, The first step to restore a marriage when there seems to be no hope is to affirm together the covenant between you both and God. God did not give up on the marriage covenant, He still sustains it and will continue to strengthen it. You both just need to agree to repairing the covenant with each other with God’s help. Do not walk away; do not break your covenant with God so easily.

Marriage tip #702, The second step in healing and restoring your marriage is to become transparent with your spouse. By this point you have locked each other out for whatever reason and are not intimate (emotionally and spiritually) with each other. The intimacy must return. It is a process and will take time but you have to start letting each other back in to the “one flesh” design of marriage.

Marriage tip #712, Keep your heart from wandering outside your marriage. Looking for the greener grass leads to destruction. Also, take care to ensure that your spouse is not wandering. No one should bring them comfort and peace and joy more that you. Pay attention to red flags, there are some dangerous thieves out there.