Changed by Christ

God wants you to have more than sex

Your marriage should not be based on the simple pleasurable act of sexual intercourse. Honestly, God would never make marriage so shallow. The example of marriage is taken from the image of God, the image that all of us were created in.

This image is of a trinity, a three in one, a closeness in not only thought, but in actions, deeds, desires, and wills. The two spouses are correctly understood and alive with their own individuality and person-hood, but yet the two spouses are also together in unity and oneness (one flesh).

At least, that is what your marriage can look like. The trouble we have is that many of us are still selfish and bring those selfish desires in marriage. I have even talked to a man who told me that if his wife refuses to have sex with him, even once, he knows she is not the woman for him and he will divorce her. In his mind, sex is the end all and be all of marriage. Yes, it is the one activity that is supposed to be saved for the marriage bed; but no it should not be the only thing that defines your marriage.

holding hands

While you were dating, if you had a healthy well balanced relationship, you spent time learning about each other, understanding and listening to each other and also doing things together that make both of you happy. These dates are essentially building your relationship and improving the bond of the two of you together. You start to have inside jokes share thoughts and plans with someone that no one else knows or at least very little. You have both let down your guard and allowed the other to come closer to you than anyone else.

That is the picture of pre-marriage, but it should continue to be the picture of your post-marriage. She has not suddenly stopped liking to hear you call her that cute name that makes her smile. He has not stopped wanting to hear you tell him how strong he was for carrying that box. My point is, continue doing the things that you two enjoy together and share those times with each other.

God has designed the love and desire in marriage to increase more and more. It is our selfishness that hinders that growth. Stop wanting and putting demands that your spouse must meet to earn your love; just love without conditions. The same love that allowed you to ignore that snort laugh and think it was cute, is the same love that can keep you smiling at that snort laugh for the rest of your lives together. I read somewhere that you get out of your marriage what you put into it; if you put in bitterness and a demeaning attitude, then you will reap out of it the same bitterness and demeaning attitude. Invest in your marriage, that, not financial things, is the most important investment you can make.

Remember, love never fails. God designed love and wants you to experience a lifetime of that love.

-Matt